How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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