Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
