Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
