I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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