If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
