I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
