So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
