Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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