4 words: hood of his car
my sisters under your porch take her home
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
