...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
