she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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