i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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