return my video game
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize