and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
