Me too!
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
