Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
