I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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