Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
