last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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