Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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