so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I need moral support for this bender
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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