I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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