Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize