do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my being single is dangerous.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
