It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize