Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
