oh god the rape fog is back!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
