I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
