david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
what day is it and did you see me today?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
