My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
