like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
