why didn't you poke me back
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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