do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
