is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
