Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
