I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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