I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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