i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
