I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
