I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
