It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
