dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
