I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My pussy is not your playground.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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