Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my phone needs a breathalizer
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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