also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she smelled like a LAN party
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
