He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
