one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
All I want is dick and wine.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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