hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
