I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
