Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Randomize
