Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Did you pee in the oven last night??
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
