i think my tv is drunk
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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