Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Of course I have a pirate flag
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
