he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
