Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
