Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize