dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
