Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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