i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
