Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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