Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
