my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
