you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
