We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize