he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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