I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Let's get the cat blown out
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
