i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
