WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize