We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize