so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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