Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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