i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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