Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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