I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
