just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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