God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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