shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
