I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
