so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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