I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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