reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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