i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
