this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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