I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
