she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
