The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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