Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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