I skipped work to stalk him.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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