When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
