i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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