this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize