Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
