Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize