do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
