just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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