i think my tv is drunk
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
