I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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